Day 45

Today is an awesome day. During this weightloss process I am learning so much about myself. When ppl have issues with food or use food for comfort such as I do the issue is never really the food. I am realizing that i have a binge eating disorder. The issue is emotional, so losing weight is only half of the battle. Exercising and finding a diet is the easy part. The reason why it's so hard to stay motivated is because the issue is mental. If I use food as my drug to comfort me in times of distress and discomfort and  If I have cut back and changed all of the foods that use to bring me joy then what am I supposed to do now? Emotional eaters such as myself go back and forth with yo yo dieting because it's not the food but how I feel deep within.
   There was a time in my life when I lost 50 pounds, this was after I graduated from high school. I was having problems in my relationship with my boyfriend, and was afraid to leave for college. At that time I jogged, ate right and lost lots of weight. I looked good and everybody was so happy and proud of me. The problem was that I wasn't happy. I thought that weightloss would make me happy and it didn't. I thought that the weightloss would make my relationship better and it didn't. I felt very depressed and needed to feel good so I went back to my chips, regular soda, candy and all of the foods that filled my voids. I then gained all of my weight back. I've learned from experience that If I really wanna use this weight I'm gonna have to change my.behavior and attitude towards food. I can no longer use food as a void filling but to find an healthy alternative. It's been hard not to pick up comfort food to solve my problems. Each day is a blessing. I just have to use God as my strength and find healthy sources of comfort and entertainment.
                                                    What is Binge eating disorder?
   Binge eating disorder is characterized by compulsive overeating in which people consume huge amounts of food while feeling out of control and powerless to stop. The symptoms of binge eating disorder usually begin in late adolescence or early adulthood, often after a major diet. A binge eating episode typically lasts around two hours, but some people binge on and off all day long. Binge eaters often eat even when they’re not hungry and continue eating long after they’re full. They may also gorge themselves as fast as they can while barely registering what they’re eating or tasting.
The key features of binge eating disorder are:

• Frequent episodes of uncontrollable binge eating.
• Feeling extremely distressed or upset during or after bingeing.
• Unlike bulimia, there are no regular attempts to “make up” for the binges through vomiting, fasting, or over-exercising.

Signs and symptoms of binge eating disorder

People with binge eating disorder are embarrassed and ashamed of their eating habits, so they often try to hide their symptoms and eat in secret. Many binge eaters are overweight or obese, but some are of normal weight.

Behavioral symptoms of binge eating and compulsive overeating

• Inability to stop eating or control what you’re eating
• Rapidly eating large amounts of food
• Eating even when you’re full
• Hiding or stockpiling food to eat later in secret
• Eating normally around others, but gorging when you’re alone
• Eating continuously throughout the day, with no planned mealtimes

Emotional symptoms of binge eating and compulsive overeating

• Feeling stress or tension that is only relieved by eating
• Embarrassment over how much you’re eating
• Feeling numb while bingeing—like you’re not really there or you’re on auto-pilot.
• Never feeling satisfied, no matter how much you eat
• Feeling guilty, disgusted, or depressed after overeating
• Desperation to control weight and eating habits